#major vent lmao its my whole life story

[weenunreleased]

I need to talk about my family situation because I'm strongly considering going no contact 4ever <3

I have 1 sibling and I live with him, my biological dad, and my step mom. I am 8 years older than my brother and he was adopted from my stepmother's sister.

My biological mom was basically a crackwhore that my dad knocked up on accident and she left me in a house alone "Trainspotting Style", so my dad won the custody battle and I haven't seen half my family since.

I was a severe neglect case so I was kind of retarded. Also my new step mom was beating my ass senseless. Because of all this, I was a really bad student and couldn't make good grades in anything but english. I was labeled a "bad kid" all throughout elementary and middle school and it just compounded on itself. I could not do well in school because nobody wanted to teach me. Which was WEIRD because i was fairly quiet. I just had this "crazy bitch" label on me. It was so bad that when I became near-sighted, the school nurse told my parents I was lying. I literally could not see.

Anyways, we end up adopting my brother when I was 8 and things were pretty normal, but I would forever be thought of as a mentally ill crazy child. The consequences of this started showing itself when my brother got older and my mom started making more money. It was like all her resources amd kindness were going into this little boy. I didnt care because I was getting tutoring and was on a sports team which was nice.

She enrolled my brother in private school while I stayed in public school. He never got beaten despite his behavior being far more severe than mine. This child had tempter tantrums every single day up until the age of 12. Her justification for this was that he had ADHD and just needed help.

Wait

I thought I was mentally ill and needed help? Why did everyone always tell me I was crazy and then refuse to help me? What made him more worthy of help?

Eventually my brother starts playing online video games. This is where everything goes downhill. He would stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning at my expense. This kid would play fortnite and SCREAM. My parents were fully aware of this and chose to do nothing, because their bedroom was far enough away that they could not hear it. My parents wouldn't let me learn an instrument because it was too loud, but did nothing about their son screaming. It was insane. I was also expected to clean up after his messes, which, I refused to do. At that point he was old enough to clean.

By the time I had gotten to college, his behavior was so bad I couldn't survive on a regular work + school schedule. I had to be up til 2 am every night while he screamed, and then try and nap more in the mornings. If I wanted to get homework done I had to walk somewhere quiet. He had spent his entire life in private schools while I grappled with the fact that I'd never afford rent. And I had to live in this house knowing there was no escape unless someone took me in.

Now he's at a private highschool. His full tuition costs $120,000. I live with my grandma and can't afford an apartment despite having an associates degree.

To say the kid is spoiled is an understatement. He owns investment jewelry pieces and only wears jordans. Seeing ice around his neck is so fucking bizarre I swear to god. My mom is always telling him he's some sort of genius. He graduated middle school 5th in his class! (Out of 10 people). The way he talks about himself is so far removed from reality. He thinks he's a king that rose up from poverty.

All of this was barable because ultimately, I was just losing opportunities that most people don't get anyways. But the last straw was the fucking cat.

I am just the retard child. And yesterday a kitten followed me home while on a walk. I brought him inside, fed him, gave him a flea bath. What did my mom have to say?

"Your brother has been wanting a cat! It's his now!"

Tonight I took the cat into my guest room because my brother wasn't watching it, and as per usual, was up playing video games right outside my door. I told him I was taking the cat and that he needed to sleep and he started threatening violence, on top of screaming about how it was his "fucking cat". He keeps getting closer to hitting me and I swear when he does I will beat the fuck out of him back. They let him get away with anything including violence and harassment against me, because they do it too.

Last night he told me the reason that mom gave him the cat was that I wasn't related to her, and therefore I was not her child at all. It was the way of the world. I was a retard orphan under her roof.

I have no empathy for people anymore I do not dream of love I do not yearn for friendship. So um yeah. I want the fucking cat.

[cielsosinfel]

here are my thoughts on all BG3 companions up through the end of Act 1 and very beginning of Act 2:

Astarion: light of my life, I am actually spoiled for probably 95% of his story, he is such a disgusting and rancid poor little meow meow and I want to see him grievously mutilated and tortured and then gently put back together again (repeat). As a faggy bi man he is the best #representation I have seen yet from mainstream media lmao. If i speak too much about him this whole post will be about him, sorry. Guro noncon yandere kink fanfic material out the wazoo, tho (Also of course I have many many thoughts on his character's narrative around trauma and healing or the lack thereof, but, too many words)

Shadowheart: I LOOOOVE HER I love her. I kind of wish they'd kept her as initially hostile and cruel as in EA after viewing video of it, but I also enjoy how she seems low-key and almost normal, though an asshole, and then BAM suddenly she's waxing poetic about committing terrifying emotional and physical torture in the name of her beloved mommy goddess. She is such an asshole and I feel like she gets soft on the PC weirdly fast, but I also do enjoy how playing Dark Urge informs the relationship dynamic as her backstory and personality unfolds, how the fact she becomes Best Friends with them despite the whole blackout-frenzied-murder and urges to eat corpses plays into her own issues and desire for understanding and connection (the memory loss and disconnect from her previous life and sense of self, the god devotion, wanting to make herself an even worse person in the name of her god, how completely committed she is in the art of torture and causing suffering, how she's simultaneously disgusted by and intrigued by Dark Urge's whole murder cannibalism urges.) Anyway yes she's great, I love her turmoil about not living up to her potential as a Shar-loving religious zealot and expert torturer.

Wyll: Wylllllllllll I feel like he was done so dirty by the writers between Early Release and Release. They should have continued to let him be an asshole warring with living up to heroic ideals, who just made a deal with a demon out of desperation for respect and appreciation. But he's fun in release too, just too low-key for me? With Dark Urge it's interesting because he is truly the most morally Good-Aligned party-member, probably, and I think about how he must grapple his morals with aiding and growing close to a murderous gore-loving freak. He's constantly having to compromise his own deeply-held ideals in the name of getting the tadpole out of his head, and I wonder about that constantly. At the same time, he's so focused on doing good and the cause of justice but is REALLY REALLY DOWN FOR GOBLIN MASS-MURDER... Like OK Wyll!! They kept that from Early Access at least lmao. His relationship with Mizora and the angst and regret he feels at signing a contract with her, for making this one major ill-thought decision while in a high-stress "do or die" situation, gets me, the way he's like, so resigned to it... How he's so resigned to being transformed into the very thing he'd dedicated his life to culling existence of (demons.) (The constant metaphors to being a pampered pet on a leash get to me.) Though you know, it still gets me he's lamenting how ugly he looks with horns, claws and fangs, in the middle of a party full of Tiefling who just faced a lot of life-threatening discrimination for looking like demons... lmao... especially when he's venting these things to a Tiefling Durge lmao... oh wyll...... Anyway I think he's sweet, and I have even more thoughts on him and Astarion being foils who need to fuck. I want to learn more about his daddy issues so I can give him a proper daddy kink. Wow, how is this the longest part of this post.

OK THIS GOT TOO LONG AND ITS ONLY THREE CHARACTERS!!!! I am going to an indie comics and arts festival today, I will come back to do the rest of the characters later.

[vermillioncrown]

to everyone replying + tags: thank you 😭 (esp at the threat of kneecapping me lmao) who knows, i might get so stir-crazy that i need to write the occasional palate-cleanser ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ my official deadline for the dream job is "signatures in by march 31st" but i might die of embarrassment if i can't do it before feb... (this is in worst case scenario + i have backup plans if timing doesn't work out, regardless i will be done and out)

hm, maybe it's a good opportunity to demystify this whole academic shebang (at least in my field of study) + provide experience in case anyone wanted a reference for a story + i get to vent

-

🎇the phd process🎇 (in a US research university as a STEM major):

admittance into a post-graduate program: it's a little odd with timing, but unlike the strict prerequisites for an undergraduate program, there's a lot more leeway in what sort of prerequisites you have for a masters program and even more so for a phd program. technically, you can come in with any bachelor's degree because your admittance is up to the discretion of the department you apply for. =

do you pay for it: depends on the field. in STEM, you want them (the school, department, program) to pay for you. i'd be paying...$57k a year for my program. i've been here for eight years. that would be miserable. that doesn't include cost of living, too. so what you want is to be offered tuition and a stipend because the value you provide is...cheap, skilled labor or the promise of it. $70k and some overhead for me is nothing compared to the cost of paying a professional consultant for a similar answer to a problem. so, you're a half-time student, half-time researcher. and that's how you 'pay' for grad school. i'm supposed to split my hours 20-20 per week but...hahahhahahahahahaha (grad school is not great for the work-life balance). =

masters and gtfo: typically four semesters, amounts to two years if you skip the summers, or you can take advantage of being paid to be in extra courses for your enrichment. at the final year of your program, you can choose to do a masters project or a thesis. the scale is like two big final papers from HS or undergrad, with more legwork involved for the student. you can write whatever shit in your old papers. here, what you write you better prove with some small demonstrations or case studies. =

masters thesis or project, wtf?: regardless of either, a masters thesis or project is a small demonstration of a student's ability to logically and rigorously answer a research question. the advisor will provide guide rails aka define the problem you're trying to answer and point you in the right direction. a thesis is more involved because it concerns the rhetoric and theory--more literature review, requires a panel to review your posited answer, and you need to defend your work in front of that panel. a project (i did that because i knew i wanted to do the thesis's bigger brother: the dissertation) requires an academic advisor/technical advisor that has a research question with a more practical, applied answer. =

example: so, my masters topic was on in-space trajectory analysis and optimization aka the applied physics of how to deal with spacecraft movement with respect to gravity in space and how to use that to plan its path for missions. as a project, i ended up devising a rudimentary way to account for losses simply and quickly so that people can approximate complicated solutions without running complicated simulations. it was good enough for me to posit the idea, model it, and run examples against real cases and provide statistical evidence that there's genuine improvement to solutions using my answer that are comparable to the real thing. as a thesis: i would have had to dig deeper into the mathematical and disciplinary theory of controls and orbital mechanics to justify my answer beyond showing it 'working.' =

wait, when do you get to the phd?: well...at the same time i'm finishing my masters requirements (coursework and project), i was preparing for the qualifying exams. you get approved to join the program, and then you get admitted past the masters once you pass quals. then you are an official phd student. =

qualifying exams (aka quals or comps): part-hazing, part-theory test, part-soft skills sink-or-swim--quals format is up to the discretion of the department. you need to prove to a panel of professors in your department that you have the requisite knowledge and thought process that would serve you as an academic; in which, it's not enough to just give an approximately 'correct' answer, but giving the precise one, justifying it, and showing your ability to dig deep into a subject area. for me, it was two 1.5 hour oral exams with three professors each, two large subjects with two mini-subjects within. they can ask you anything. they can bully you. you have the guidance of their coursework, past exam questions, and hints to their personality and demeanor. to pass, you need to get the vote of 5/6 of the professors. otherwise, you get one more shot before you are barred from the phd program of that department. =

yay, phd student! now what?: chill for a semester, do more research, figure out what topic you really want to get obsessed with. take classes to fulfill your phd requirements; every school has minimum credits and possible minor requirements to fulfill (e.g. i have aerospace engineering, but i also had to fulfill a mathematics minor on the side to get the actual degree, not optional). =

i'll continue the rest in another reblog because i've reached the character limits 💀

life progress so fucking real now. i know i've said "haha i'll finish my dissertation by end of year 202X" multiple times now but legit. i need to or i can't have my job lmao

so, i likely won't be (i really shouldn't be) updating any of my fics for the rest of the year.

seriously. if you see me updating on ao3 you gotta metaphorically beat me back to my thesis w a stick. when i have a legit job w real hours and a work-life balance, then we'll have ALL the fic

but i won't be hanging you all out to dry--roz and i will always be throwing ideas in chat, i'm down to always answer stuff or drop snippets (in fact, there's a snippet for ands i want to write that's vivienne's encounter with tim) so yeah!

[catboyyukineapologist]

heyyyy,, again,,,,

yeah so. funny story. I uh, haven't really read noragami since november. this is going to be a very personal vent post so I'll put it under a read more in case that's not for you, but! tl;dr:

I am not leaving the fandom! I still love Noragami and this community with my whole heart!

I'm going through some mental shit and also Life™

I will come back sooner than later!

Before the cut I did wanna shout out the peeps on the Capyper Land discord especially, because y'all brighten my days so much even though all I do on there is lurk and feel guilty about it. I love you all with my whole heart (even if you have no idea who tf i am lmao) i am giving every single one of you a big big group hug.

okie so here goes the vent-

Hey y'all. So I'm not dead. (Obviously). But things have been very tough recently and for some reason I felt like this was the place to vent about it. (oversharing on the internet? never heard of her. I super don't use my main for personal posts or original content ever so ig that's partly why).

The seasonal depression has been hitting different after almost two years of pandemic, and I was recently assessed for adhd and anxiety and started medication, so it's been A Time up in the ol' dome. Social distancing has crippled me socially to a level I hadn't felt since middle school and i was left with like three friends who I keep convincing myself actually hate me :)

It also lined up (badly) with me having to get a job on top of university that is, in an unexpected turn of events (/srs), so so so creatively draining. I've been working (read: trying to) on some fics and original work and going at a turtle's pace on it (which is extremely frustrating and I am bad with frustration), and returning to classes feels daunting right now (mainly because we were supposed to be easing back into in-person and yesterday the school hit us with the "two weeks of online classes" again because of omicron, and well. we all know how that turned out last time. istg If I have to look at One More Screen-).

So basically I have found myself deriving joy from Nothing anymore.

(well, nothing and like two actual play d&d podcasts, shout out to those guys for doing all the mental health patching)

And well, Noragami has always been a high-energy-input, high-reward thing for me because of its complexity and themes, and I just haven't had the high initial energy levels to put into it because in reality I don't have much energy anymore. The vicious cycle goes something like no energy→no attention span→not many mental resources to put into any high-input enjoyable activities→no happy chemicals→no energy→etc.

So Noragami is kind of a lot rn, which sucks ASS because I love this story, and I adore this community, and I hate so so much not being able to participate in it the way I used to and the way I want to. Same goes for most of my other fandoms (it's only slightly less bad for the show made for literal children. wonder why). Participating in fandom with anxiety and the attention span of a goldfish and a media literacy level that is frankly pathetic for a literature major is... tricky, to say the least lmao.

So yeah. Anyway. End of rant I guess. This is just One Big Apology for dropping off the face of the earth for months in case anyone cares. And I kinda needed to get this stuff off my chest so. Yeah. Thanks if you read the whole thing. I appreciate it.

Promise I'll be back before you know it<3

[redxblueihateloveyou]

definitely not me laughing at people just now realizing how dumb this fandom is watching this unravel with a popcorn. 

sad thing is.. with this low level of braincells I think someone will actually do this and then its gonna be the first time, when the fandom stupidity will lead to a real life consequences, but hell, maybe this will teach someone something idk.

definitely not me laughing at one of the directors saying that I know everyone is on R and L, but I hope you’ll focus on the relationships of the adults in this anime, cause they’re much more complicated xD I fell.

definitely me crying at the fact that ppl these days don’t even get what the creators are trying to say with their creation and twisting it to the unholy level. like I understand that everything is up to the interpretation, but it’s like if 90% of the readers would’ve interpret that “Pride and Prejudice” is a story about a poor misunderstood Wickham, abused by Darcy bc the ugly asshole didn’t get that the poor man needed help with his compalsive gambling disorder lmao

just being in the literature/movies analyses since forever, I find it absolutely fascinating how when it comes to books and movies 90% of ppl usually get okay, what the creator was trying to convey, at least like even some do not get the depth, they at least get the main message and don’t twist it to this extent, but when it comes to anime, it’s not the first time I’m watching something, make my own assumptions, then happily go to read fandom posts and surprisingly find that most of them are like a complete opposite AND mocking these tiny bunch, who have the perfectly adequate point of view. first time it happened I was like “am I dumb or smth”, but then the creators speak up and I’m like “ah so I did understand the message correctly”. it’s just most of the viewers didn’t. 

it’s like when I saw those messages about how many think that Seirin are the main characters/team of KNB and Haru and Makoto is what Free! revolves around. I was like “how... did.. u even come to this conclusion if we watched the same thing?” and it’s not like those fans are even trying to present it as “this is just an extraordinary opinion of mine”, no, they’re sincerely going at it on the social media as “that’s what the creator was trying to say” and I’m like “no, I’m like 99% sure he didn’t try to say that” lmao and then surprise surprise... guess who’s right. 

the only question is why really. is it bc the young generation is a huge part of anime fandoms and bc they don’t want to read anymore and thus can’t develop the basic skills of character analysis? 

and before you yell at me, my mom is a school teacher and yeah, they don’t want your books anymore (I still won’t say all, but like HE MAJORITY for sure) and once during the pandemic they asked me to substitute their english online class and I asked them about their favorite fiction characters (bc I legit thought it was a the easiest way to bond and talk) and one said Thanos (...), one said Harry Potter, but when I asked “why”, thinking to hear smth like bc he’s brave or a great friend or smth, what I heard was “he does magic” I was like “well, everyone does magic there, why else”, and you’re in the 4th grade you dumb fuck (lmao that’s not, I didn’t say that xD), the third one said “Charlie from the chocolate factory” and when I asked why is that, he said “bc it’s sweet and tasty” and then I just wanted to shoot myself, cause I didn’t know already what to say... is the movie tasty? we were talking about characters tho? I was reading Jules Verne at your age and I’m not even that old, I’m 25. 

then I remember, that most of them are on twitter/tiktok/youtube, etc. and get scared and then I read some comments on MAL or smth and get even more scared. and look at the fucking ratings, I’m in shock (istg if *** score reaches the mdzs or natsume’s level, the world is officially dumb af).

anyways, back to the point. not notice the character/main conflict that drives the whole plot is truly sensational really. like that’s a whole new level of dumbness. I mean, I thought I’ve seen everything since Free! and Voltron shananigans, but heck I was so wrong. also I’d help with the good roasting, cause I’m real good at it, when needed, but I’m just not really invested enough to get into the middle of this, cause so far I don’t find the characters, who are worthy of such effort (and I think I won’t haha). but thanks for sending me this, it was satisfying to see, that at least the VAs and creators are great and that the fandom got to expose their stupidity. 

bc I was just DMing @heavensweetheart​ how I’ve lost my faith in humanity and then someone is like “did you see this tweet?” and I’m like “no, no, and I don’t wanna pls” and then my sister is like “I’ve this AOT fact video...” and @tododeku-or-bust​ is like “you wanna hear smth form the JC part of the mdzs fandom” and I’m like “I know it’s a free contry, but there’s no way this is legal” lmao. so I’m really thankful that there are still people surrounding me, who understand that this is in fact laughable, that such things even exist. like I’m not happy to find out that those exist, but at least it’s soothing that I have someone I can vent my frustration with, cause sometimes you just need someone to be like “yeah, you’re not wrong, this is in fact dumb and you’re definitely not in the wrong, even when the majority says you are.” and I finally understand what Wei Wuxain was feeling trying to go against of a horde of absolute hypocrites.

also like someone pls make a law, when you can’t enter a fandom if your IQ is less than 3, cause going to some fandom tags is like:

and this fandom is offically became “I’m embarrased to be a part of it” one. and “is it even worth it?” lmao. like I’ll still wait for the last 2 episodes, but I think the answer is actually a “no”. bc if you’re sane, it’s gonna be painful af to read the things the majority of this fandom say, that’s all. and my god, it can piss you off, even when you’re like “I’ve been there before, it okay”, cause it’s damn hard, when you just have a very low tolerance for bullshit.

[lady-plantagenet]

What are your thoughts on Jaime x Cersei, Jaime x Brienne, Tyrion x Tysha, George x Isabel, and Henry VIII x Anne Boleyn? (Sorry for the long list!)

Glad to see someone else feeling charitable and letting me vent my unsolicited opinions 😂. Saved the George x Isabel for the last cause I’m sure it will be the longest lmao!

Asked Via: Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it: https://lady-plantagenet.tumblr.com/post/627331607624302592/send-me-a-ship-and-ill-give-you-my-brutally

Jaime x Cersei: Despite it’s fundamental flaws, it is... titillating to read. The idea of people falling in love with their own other-gender counterpart is twisted yet so intriguing. I must confess that I am not as disgusted by incest as most people, so bear that in mind. The thing is, Cersei is definitely a narcissist with a lot of internalised misogyny and this ship just feels so justified to her character.

The issue is, and as the books go on, it becomes quickly clear that Jaime’s love is not as deep and as his appearance changes, and they no longer look identical Cersei’s own mental image, Cersei’s love also wanes and then you’re hit with how shallow it was. So I ship these two... but I also don’t because they’re toxic? Honestly, book-wise I am intrigued to see what will happen, if they end up together... or they don’t... either way I’m sure it will be quite a ride. You see, I’m not emotionally invested.

Jaime x Brienne: Oh the Sapphires... Obviously anyone who cares for Jaime’s wellbeing would want him to end up with Brienne as opposed to Cersei. I read this interesting theory recently on how these two don’t actually love each other but confuse their strong platonic feelings of affection for romance. You see, that’s also an interesting take as both characters are quite bereft off opposite gender friendships.

However, I strongly ship them romantically as well, Book!Brienne (hey show as well!) is truly admirable because based on her choice in men e.g. Renly, you can see how she had still not given up on her maidenly fantasies and I just love her for that, because true love isn’t something to which only pretty women are entitled. She in many ways represents salvation for him as she being a true knight in spite of her gender, can veer him back into the path of chivalry. He is most chivalrous around her, I mean, not only because her good conduct influences but also because he performs some of the most knightly deeds by cause of her e.g. rescuing her from the bear pit. I like this ship, it’s a good trope subversion.

Tyrion x Tysha: I find this one of the more heartbreaking ships of ASOIAF, because to me it represents Tyrion’s loss of innocence.

She is a haunting figure because of how small remnants of her memory were enough to pull Tyrion into the toxic relationship he had with Shae e.g. she too hard dark hair and there was music around when he met her. Its one of those weird (as @omgellendean put it in her brutally honest ask tag answer - a character who consists of only a name), but unlike Ashara Dayne, she is not idealised and given this over-the-top tragic story. So this elusive Tysha is an entity by what she symbolises: foregone youth and a sweetness that has no place in the ASOIAF universe.

Henry VIII x Anne Boleyn: As I said in my last ask. I cannot tolerate the romanticisation of infidelity, and that is especially when the male’s spouse is a wonderful woman fit for him and has done nothing wrong. I don’t have strong feelings against Anne Boleyn herself, as I prefer to see her as ‘Anne the Educated and Sophisticated Reformer’ as opposed to ‘Anne the Seductress’. Ugh let me just say... rule of thumb for whether it’s a good pair: Do thousands have to die for your selfish desire to be together? Yes? Then probably not meant to be. Just a thought.

I think Anne knew her own mind and I like to think her strong beliefs influenced her decision to breach this marriage (no I didn’t think she was her father’s pawn gah I’m sick of that term), but they were ultimately unsuited in everything and it was a passion brought about by Henry’s caprice. My heart breaks when I think on how Anne could have been happily married to Henry Percy. I’m also tried of this whole ‘master manipulator of men’s hearts’ reputation Anne is getting. You do realise refusing to be a mistress was not being a tease as much as it was just being a conventionally virtuous woman..? The girl knew her worth.

George x Isabel: Oh god. I promise to not start writing an essay. As weird as it is to ship dead people, they are my OTP, the main characters of my main historyfanfic, and frankly the most unsung couple of TWOTR. The fact that there are no records of letters or any particularly over-the-top romantic gestures by either of them, just intrigues me more because it was very much a relationship defined in subtle deeds. If you peruse the more academic TWOTR literature you can see all the fine but conclusive evidences of a devoted relationship: He posthumously enrolled her in a guild when he stayed there with his children (months after she died), he was buried together with her and her ancestors not his, how during 1470 he sent her to Exeter for her safekeeping while her mother and sister remained at Warwick and when a siege broke out he (and his father-in-law) immediately rode south to lift it and the amount of expenses and care he put into her funeral. Not to mention, the hassle it took for them to get married: years of trying to get a dispensation underneath the king’s nose culminating in them having to cross the channel.

The thing is, it had a lot of politics behind it and to be honest I don’t find that less romantic. It was one right for both of them: for the wealthiest heiress in England and the handsome younger brother and heir of King Edward - truly no one else would do for any of them. One of the things that grabs me is the medievalness of it all, how they were bound together by what was essentially a plan to reverse the country’s inevitable transition out of ‘bastard feudalism’. You also get a sense of how this marriage despite the ultimate failure of its purpose (to make George King) brought George the chance to establish himself as a major magnate through his wife’s lands which ultimately became his main source of power as opposed to his royal status. The relative peace that ensued after 1472 shows that his status as Warwick’s political heir (as Christine Carpenter put it) did something to placate the disapointment of not becoming king. So the way I see it, Isabel’s death took from him any of the satisfaction and peace she brought with her lands and persona as he once again reverted to his old (even more than before) reckless self. Not to mention the people he executed after her death in his grief believe in her to have been poisoned (most historians believe that’s unlikely).

Aside from that, in a society where pretty much everyone strayed (even Anthony Woodville had a bastard daughter), it is quite heart-warming how the man known for his treachery, happened to be one of the only ones loyal to his wife: no bastards or women were ever linked to his name not even in rumour. As for Isabel, she is quite a shadowy figure but you get the sense she was intelligent because of the care her father took in preparing her as his heir, because of her wealth you get this sense of majesty and significance about her. The two times we can deduce anything about her personality is a true supporter of her husband: once, when deciding to treat with the Yorks behind her father’s back to reconcile George to them, second, remaining steadfast to George when he tried to squirrel her sister Anne out of her inheritance. Based on the homage she paid to her ancestors, she seems proud of her ancestry so it’s quite intriguing to think why she made the aforementioned two choices, endangering her father and sister in favour of her husband. And oh god I’m rambling, I can say even more if you can believe it but I shall stop. Overall, one might think I’m wishful thinking but frankly Anne and Richard are touted as star-crossed lovers all the time and with even littler evidence to support it (not that I don’t ship them, I do). I might be subjective, but the story of George and Isabel’s life is just so compelling...

[panlyv]

ok so… i wanna talk about the “sarawatine didn’t kiss and that’s bullshit” discourse that has been going around in light of the finale.

first, people who say they wished they had kissed are only valid if they aren’t disgusting fujoshis who want a kiss just for the sake of wanting it, without understanding the context and motivations behind such action. so if you are a fujoshi, get tf out of this post.

i think the major reason why so many people are upset we didn’t get a kiss is because of cultural differences. and i speak about this matter from my own point of view, since im literally from the other side of the globe.

as a south american, more specifically as a brazilian who was born and raised here, i can say that our way of showing affection is drastically different from how ive seen most asian couples show affection to each other. (disclaimer to say im in no way an expert on this matter and what i say is based on hearing about asian friends’ experiences and documentaries lmao so don’t come for my head and if i say something wrong please point it out!)

here in brazil, you will see people kissing, hugging, holding hands, and whatever other form of physical affection there is everywhere you go, whether it be a straight or queer couple. it’s just natural for us. we greet each other with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, it doesn’t matter if you know the person you just greeted or not. we even have a whole holiday that’s basically for partying, dancing and kissing (carnaval!). brazilians already flood each other with physical affection without being in a romantic relationship, so of course for me it’s weird when i watch a couple just establishing their relationship and a kiss doesn’t follow their confessions.

a standard brazilian love confession would consist of two people declaring their love for each other, happily smiling, and then they would kiss because they love each other and they are happy to be together, and a kiss is how we were taught to express such feelings. but that doesn’t apply only for brazil, or for south america, it’s a reality in a lot of cultures in many countries around the world. but i also know that’s not universal and it doesn’t apply to everyone.

i get it, that’s not how asians were raised and perhaps for them my culture can be an absurd, but i won’t lie and say a part of me doesn’t expect a kiss every now and then in asian shows, especially after asking each other to be boyfriends or laying down in the grass under a starry night, because that would be extremely realistic and natural in the cultural context im in.

i know it’s not fair to expect elements from my own culture to feature in shows and series from a country so far away from mine, but i do get where some people might be coming from when they demand a kiss like in sarawatine’s case. because for them that would be the utmost romantic gesture, that would show us, the audience, the characters really do love and care for each other.

sarawat and tine have other ways of showing their love for each other, and they are all just as beautiful and valid as a kiss, but i feel like, after everything they went through, especially in episode 12, after solving their problems and agreeing to go back to dating, the fact that they just high fived each other was so… out of place? you would high five your friend after winning a match, or high five a kid after they finished playing around, but would you simply high five your “ex” boyfriend who just wrote a whole song for and about you when you realised everything that happened was a misunderstanding and you are willing to give it another go????? im not saying they should’ve kissed right there in front of the crowd (because that would be out of character for them, esp tine) but… they should’ve at least kissed at some point (and i would die and kill for tine to initiate a kiss tbh), once they didn’t kiss ever since they started dating and moved in together. for me, it would have made sense and would fit the story and the characters, and also make it feel even more realistic. but it didn’t happen, and that’s ok.

people have the right to be frustrated about the lack of kisses in 2gether, but those same people (including myself) have to understand they are choosing to consume a piece of midia that depicts a culture that diverges so much from their own, and that culture has its own social behaviors, manners and values. if you are bothered with the lack of good kisses in bls in general, then i guess thai bl is just not the right genre for you, especially gmm shows (we all know gmm’s poor history of kissing, both straight and queer). and this isn’t much about the thai industry, but we can’t forget how queer affection on television can be censored over the tiniest of things on asian midia which ://

so please don’t go around spreading hate to the crew and director or even to the actors themselves because you feel robbed of a kiss (esp because you can tell it was a scene from the very beginning of the filmings when bright and win were still building the beautiful friendship they have today so perhaps that’s why it felt so awkward dbhdjsj). let’s not forget that 2gether is a show way beyond a simple kiss. it’s a show about love in its purest form, and all the hardships that come with it. it’s a show about self discovery and finding your own worth. it’s a show about growth in so so so many ways. do not let a tiny thing cloud your judgment to the amazing show 2gether was and to the incredible work everybody involved did, and the efforts bright and win did to portray such beautiful and raw characters to the best of their abilities.

i guess i just used this as an excuse to vent and try to deal with the fact that, sadly, 2gether has come to an end. i’ll miss this show so so much because i hold it very close to my heart and it has a really special place in my life rn. but yeah, it did end, liking it or not, and im just so thankful for bright, win and the crew of 2gether for these fantastic 13 weeks we had together and for all they’d done for us. but hopefully season two, or an ourskyy ep, or a special ep for the new book volumes await us………….. who knows

[lumilasi]

For the writing ask: 9, 12, 13 and 22

9. Favorite/least favorite tropes?

My favorite tropes are probably a former villain trying to redeem themselves/moral ambiquity where things aren’t so clear cut/from enemies to lovers/found family dynamics/slow build romance.

Fantasy elements in a modern world is also my favorite kind of setting, probably because of the books I used to read when younger. I also like plenty of mystery and lore building.

If we go into more specifics, like moments in a story, I clearly have the taste for certain kind of bastards doing an overdramatic entrance and use wayyyy too much power to mess with someone heh

As for my least favorite tropes, I generally tend to kind of gravitate away from quite a few common fanfic stuff for some reason, like fake dating, coffee-shop aus, and the hanahaki disease to name a few. The reason as to why tends to depend on the trope, but to use the examples I mentioned:

(Note: if you like any of these particular fic tropes, that is perfectly fine! This is just a matter of personal taste after all, and really just an explanation why I personally wouldn’t write/read fics with these tropes)

I don’t like fake dating, because each time I’ve tried to read a fic like that, I get severe second-hand embarassment and have to stop reading. It’s just too awkward for me personally lmao. I just can’t handle it at all.

Coffee shop aus are more ”it depends” as one of my favorite fics IS one. I think that boils down more to my whole ’meh’ reaction towards purely slice of life content, that coffee shop aus often have been from my experience. If one can write it in a manner where it’s not just that, I can enjoy it. (Such as the fic I mentioned.)

Hanahaki disease is probably my least liked trope, because I just...I kinda find it something that forces drama and eliminates free will from the individuals involved? Now I’m sure this particular one can be done in a different manner, but I’m thinking of the specific one I know where you’ll die if you don’t get on with this ’fated person’, and I just...don’t like it much as a concept. Same goes for soulmate AUs tbh, though again, like with coffee shop stuff, it kinda depends on how its done.

....I think that last one also boils down more on me just not liking the fated lovers trope in general, rather than the Hanahaki thing specifically. (Like with the coffee shop au thing, where I see it as ’slice of life’ content that can be boring for me to read or write)

So, I guess to summarize my least favorite tropes; fake dating, fated lovers, and purely slice of life stuff. (I don’t mind this last one as an aspect in a story, but if its only that I’m gonna lose interest probably)

12. Favorite story and why

Now when I think of it, I think I already answered this one? It was Violinist and Family Secrets. Violinist because I like the grit the boys have that feels very ’canon’ while they’re not even being villains. FS because I loved writing Hisashi’s character.

13. My writing process is kinda....well, speedy and simple.

Choose an idea that you’ve already mapped out in your head for the most part, from start to finish. I need to have a clear vision for majority of the story before I start writing. A lot of ideas get scrapped already in my head, because I can’t figure out how to finish them. The story details may change overtime, but I tend to have a basic red line thought out already from the get go.

Sit down and write. Either upright on your laptop, or slouching on your bed on your ipad. Sometimes get up to get a drink or food. There really is nothing more spectacular about it. You just go ahead and start typing. On average I tend to write one to three hours a day (or late evening, I often write in the evening), about the time it takes me to write a chapter or a few. Sometimes I do write much longer, if I’m really struck with inspiration. Most of the time I try to only write one chapterful, and leave it there for the day, despite already knowing clearly what to write next.

More on the end of the previous point, physically stop yourself from writing too much at once, because you need to learn to pace that shit better dammit.

Sometimes when I have an issue with a plot detail, I go for a walk with my dog or take a shower. I can usually solve this problem by taking a break like this.

Really, that’s about it. I just come up with stuff and type it down, I rarely need to do anything more unusual than that.

22. Well, I don’t like to give spoilers for my upcoming stories much, but I suppose I can share some tidbits both for upcoming chapters as well as brand new story I’ll be beginning once I finish FS

The chapter updates: for Unravel, Tomura is basically gonna beat up a nomu that appeared on Izuku’s village. Izuku will also see a vision. For The Neighbor, Tomura vents to Dabi about his struggles to figure out the notes he has. For the Crossover, David’s trying to sneak behind people’s backs, but Izuku and Melissa convince him not to. For Depths, Tomura and Dabi mostly hang out in their room while Kain and Ryuu discover and deal with a problem. For Diversion (once I go back to it, its been ages lmao) Tenko is still figuring out the situation with Momo and her harassment.

The new fic; the first sequel to Family Secrets, it’ll begin several years later, when the boys are closer to their canonical ages. There will be flashbacks to Tenko’s teenage years. His mum is an author. Izuku still gets ofa but the reasons are different somewhat. Tenko still has some mental hurdles to deal with, and so does Touya. Aizawa has upgraded his amount of cats. Shirakumo/Kurogiri are still in the States.

[coridallasmultipass]

Tmi / personal / endometriosis and menstrual issues / surgery / long post / venting ... I finally had a laparoscopic surgery done yesterday and they were able to confirm for me that i have endometriosis and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted! All my fucking life ive dealt with excruciating cramps and heavy bleeding during menstruation and i just wish i could go back in time and give a big 'fuck you' to everyone who ever told me "cramps are like this for everyone!" Or "just exercise, it helps!" Or "orgasms help with cramping!" Like hooooooh boy I knew it and im so glad to have all the cysts out of me now. I had previously tried numerous birth control options to prevent cramping and bleeding and got excruciating cramps with literally All of them and constant bleeding with the depo shot. (I had a very painful internal ultrasound done, to hopefully diagnose endo by that route, but it was inconclusive - variations in the thickness of the endometrium, which could be endo or it could just be normal...) Most recent birth control was an iud and i had to go to the er the same evening because my body couldnt stand to have it in there causing so much pain, i couldnt stop screaming and it sucked. The iud was a few weeks ago ((and the proceedure to insert it was the worst pain ive ever felt in my life, and the same sharp pain continued through the following days until i got it removed) and i havent been able to sit straight since, i have to keep sitting to one side in order to not feel like having an ice pick jammed in me. Its gotten better since the iud was removed, but i still get a sharp pain when i have to sit on something hard. My doctor recommended me to have a diagnostic laparoscopy with cystectomy ASAP because of the iud problems and all my failed birth control attempts. Everyone in my family freaked out and kept pushing me to not go through with it, but I knew i needed to know what was causing me so much pain, like tbh, as a trans man, id prefer just a straight up hysterectomy, but yknow either way this is a step in that direction anyway. I have an aunt who had to have the same proceedure twice because of complications, and kept telling me her horror story about how painful recovery was and i was like 'trust me its not going to be worse than an iud because i thought i was dying' and she blew me off like 'its going to be wAY worse' like uh no bc an iud was 666/10 on the pain scale for me, i genuinely thought i was dying or would have a heart attack with how bad the pain was; plus ive had surgeries before and was completely fine after... Anyway fuck what my family said i went through with it anyway and it wasnt that bad of a proceedure to wake up from! My first thought was 'oh no, did they hospitalize me? I feel like ive been asleep for weeks!!' But it was just the recovery room. Ive usually done pretty well with recovery, and this was no different. The worst part of the recovery room was the sensation of needing to cough from where they had inserted the breathing tube for anesthesia. (Today my throat is still a bit sore, and my voice hoarse, but warm mint tea has been helping a lot for that.) I was also feeling cramps similar to mild-moderate menstrual cramping, (no where near the sharp shooting pain of the iud, and no where near my normal, unmedicated cramping which has had me doubled over screaming in pain until the medicine kicks in in the past), and of course a bit of soreness from the incision sites and the general soreness of having gas trapped in my body. (They have to pump a bit of gas inside you so its easier to look around, and some of it stays trapped in you after.) Its a pain similar to what ive felt before just from my fibromyalgia in general, so i was very relieved for the most part. I also felt myself bleeding a bit while i was still in the recovery room. (Gross and tmi, but im still having a spot of blood only when i wipe today, so thats a relief after having been bleeding a majority of the days over the past few months trying different BC options.) Strangely, when i got home i didnt feel groggy or in need of a nap like i have for surgeries in the past. I was also warned of having nausea from the anesthesia, but i had none at all!! And i was warned by multiple sources that i wouldnt have an appetite, but boy i ate almost Everything in the kitchen yesterday im pretty sure ive gone through a whole box of protein bars since yesterday too. Multiple sources (including my family member who had the same proceedure) warned of a sudden bad mood drop immediately after the proceedure, And i dont wanna jinx it, but I have been in such a good fucking mood since i got home yesterday, but maybe thats just the painkillers talking, but still I was at a total low point, like, cant-get-any-lower low point in terms of mood, but i just... feel so good (besides the aching and incision site pain lmao) On to the pain now... The worst of it was waking up this morning after the surgery day. I had quite a bit of the trapped gas pain when i first lied down at night (and when i tried to lie on my side) but the feeling doubled when i tried to get up. Im very bloated still. While the bloating itself isnt very painful, it feels like the stretching of my stomach is pulling at the medical tape covering my incisions which is making them hurt. Im not getting the trapped-gas-roaming-my-body feeling As Often, but its obviously still trying to dissipate. I feel it most while trying to take a deep breath like a bubble pressing against my ribs, but easing a deep breath slowly in and out moves it around and makes it less uncomfortable. Light exercise, like slow walking, is supposed to help your body absorb/dissolve/release the trapped gas. So i did 5 minutes on, 5 off for 3 times on the slowest treadmill setting earlier and im going to try again tomorrow for the same. (I feel like it made my bloating worse, so i had to go back to resting after, but ive been getting up and down to get food for my insatiable appetite lmao) Now the actual tmi and gross stuff: It is really fucking hard to pee. Straight up i have to concentrate so hard. Normally i lean over on my arm to help push it all out at once, but i cant do that with the incisions over my belly lmao. Shitting is just as hard, but the Shit Gods have blessed me with the Antibiotic Runs this morning so im all set for today lmao. Im really bummed tho they put a bandage over where my belly piercing is supposed to go, so i couldnt put it back in after the surgery. The whole, not being able to bend over thing, is reminding me of what its like to have a fresh belly piercing, and im groaning bc im gonna have to go thru with it again to get it back.... and i feel like i jUSt got it done... (it was summer last year) ughhhhhh.... oh well, like at least this time it should go in straight i hope? Also, obligatory vent that... having a fucking uterus does not make me a woman i wish doctors and nurses would use gender neutral language... TLDR; had a laparoscopic surgery to diagnose endometriosis and remove the uterine cysts caused by it, having a great recovery so far!! Still waiting on follow up from the doctor for my next step, but im feeling a lot better than when i was suffering cramps from every birth control i tried to get Rid of cramps

[bkdkink]

here’s part 2 for the ehhhh stuff 

“okay, so dy,” you ask, “if it looks good and plays well, story is excellent and music is perfect, wtf is up your ass about it then?”

so bear with me. what i am about to straight-up complain about rn is by no means anything major or even something that should prevent anyone from ever being apart of the game and its story. these are minor, personal complaints that i want to vent out, and if it so happens that i have people who agree with me then great! if not, then yeah i totally understand because people see the story differently and want different things, as life goes.

long rant ahead, beware. 

so the negative about kh3, ill start with the annoying and lead up to the heart-crushing part (yet expected) part first.

The Frozen and Tangled levels were rough. lmao, not skill-wise, no. Just. Tangled was going through the whole damn movie......right? without songs and certain minor characters, but we...went through the whole movie with Rapunzel and it was sooooo awkward to watch the cutscenes....because sora, donald and goofy were just. there. they did nothing to progress the story. they were just....there? eugene died. they witnessed a man DIE. and it was........anticlimatic a little in how they reacted???? like that they dont quite understand death so they were just like awwwwww :/ and then he came back so yeah, but. it was so weird?? with them there???? why were they there??? why this way???? why not make up a whole new story or add to it or something or other??? is it cuz she’s one of the new 7 princesses of light so we had to do a whole thing??? cuz we didn’t for any other princess??? oh besides Frozen.

Frozen was the worst level for me. just the worst. i never liked the movie, so that’s strike one, strike two is i had to re-listen to two of those infamous songs.......because sora had to listen to them. why....when....when was there disney songs shot frame-per-frame.....in KH? and no, ariel in KH2 doesn’t count because that whole WORLD was a MUSICAL WORLD. the only actions you could take was THROUGH muSICcccCCCCC.

my point is that there was too much pandering going on there, also the story was just as nonsensical as it was in the movie. if i never saw it i would have been so confused as to where that brunette dude came from, how he got Elsa, WHY he wanted to kill her---the game (tangled was a tad bit guilty of this too, wtf did Rapunzel start calling Flynn Eugene? i saw the movie so i knew but they didn’t explain that until their world was finished) so....good luck to whoever did watch the movies?? KH assumes you’ve seen both of them, compared to the Carribbean where I never saw the movie but i knew wtf was going on??? also big hero 6, never saw that but could get the gist!!!!

they were just WAY too movie heavy which isn’t the usual for the series, and im sure if they are included in the next game itll be a different experience because the movies are now established, so there hopefully there won’t be any pandering from Frozen’s end too much.

Now......the stuff that is more personal. okay here goes. 

KH, from the jump, has somewhat kinda tried to establish a maybe romantic angle between Sora and Kairi. Now, because of how friendship heavy the whole series is and the love friends share....I for one never picked that up until i was reading tvtropes and i was reading up on Kairi being one of the main reasons that Sora and Riku were even beefy in the first game to being with??? the both liked her but she chose Sora or something????? that shit flew so far over my head and no, i wasn’t a child playing the first game for the first time---this was only a couple years ago. i just....did not...pick up romantic interest? i picked up...friend?? because they kept saying....Friend™? 

anyway, series goes on, Kairi is known to the fandom as being written mostly out of focus and is never used well enough in the plot. and i agree. they never used her to her potential, and even in KH3, where she is now a keyblade wielder, she still becomes something to save...............even in the very end.........even when she and Sora had their moment of “imma save you this time!” .....no........sora still leaves to go and save her.............so.like.......yay for....growth? kinda....? i just feel bad for her tbh. 

that’s one thing. the main, large thing that i did see coming but was disappointed in nonetheless was that several games later of pushing her aside, of focusing much more on the relationship between Sora and Riku with an ENITRE GAME narrowed in on both of them and their journey toGETher---KH3 begins to focus on the romantic angle between Sora and Kairi again. and its obvious enough where NOW yes, even I picked up on it this time around.

and at this point......it just.....came off so forced? they lay it on thiccccccc my dudes. and it feels like it. yes, there are still moments between Riku and Sora, sure, but that is down-played SOOO much compared to fuggin KH:DDD or hell even KH2....

like.........i don’t expect any gay male video game protags from Square Enix, I really dont. but i also dont want some  last-minute romance shoved down my throat??? when i was fine with how it was before??? maybe if they still kept the subtly that they had done and with newer games continuing to build off of that, I wouldn’t be so put off by the idea. KH2 did a good job of building it, like when Sora imagined Kairi and him dancing together in halloween town--that was cute af?????? and well integrated????? and could STILL be taken as him just missing a FRIEND or yeah, a potential love interest! but just. jesus. you didn’t care about them being together then, don’t do it now because it comes off a little cheap.

also fuck Riku i guess???? kairi doesn’t give a fuck about Riku at all?/??? is the overall vibe i was getting???lmao aren’t all 3 of them friends??????? no???????? kairi only messes with sora and riku only messes with sora?????? can i get some uhhhhhhhhhhh riku and kairi time too or nah????? we had a moment of them at the beginning of the game i guess and then....that was....kinda it? so fucking disappointing how they write her man. she’s so much more than a love interest and there are moments when that shows, but there’s too many where she just....is only sora-focused? 

you want an example of how forced it was that they were switching Sora’s relationship from Riku to Kairi? now don’t quote me on this i could very well be wrong because i never actively listened for bkg music until DDD, but Dearly Beloved? the titular theme song for every single KH menu and emotional scenes? the theme song that DDD later ESTABLISHED in CANON that it was Riku and Sora’s heart song playing together????? a song that plays in some kinda version whenever Sora and Riku are having a moment??????? WELP. i wanna say they still kept it for Sora and Riku for at least one cutscene with them together. at least. i can’t name others, but they at least did it once cuz i remember getting excited about it. 

they now played it more frequently whenever Kairi showed up on screen, or when she and Sora were having a moment together. 

SORA. and RIKUS song....playing now for SORA and KAIri???? please correct me if im wrong, absolutely tell me if im wrong that im just not observant and it’s always been like that because tbh that’ll make this better for me lol but they just took Riku and went YEET. “Sora is the hero. Sora gets the girl because of course he does. Sora is GOD and fuck yall for not expecting him to have a love interest at the end of this and YES it will be a girl and YES it WILL be the one we keep forgetting about to make his love interest up until now because yall were getting the most wrongest ideas of where this was going so we’ll fix that right up for ya” 

i still loved the game. hell, even with the ending like that (”i gotta go save Kairi! again! even though we had a whole thing with the papou fruit about how she was going to save me and protect me this time! and i gotta do it alllll by myself!!! she has a keyblade you say???? she wants to be more useful to me you say???? well FUCK that imma go rescue her because im Sora and i am hero boy!!”) i still had a good time! it really is a good game, please go play it to get all the feels in the world, if this minor stuff is minor for you too, then go play it RIGHT. NOW!!!!!

but yeah. ya girl was disappointed by how forced it was. expected it, but still doesn’t negate how i feel in the end. so now im gonna indulge in soriku art. 

Rant over! if you actually read over this and wanna talk about it, feel free to hit me up! let’s rant together. maybe im wrong and too focused on my ship and i have ship glasses on too tight. 

[starryseo]

heart eyes. | seo changbin

this gif is perfect!!

pairing ↠ changbin x gender neutral!reader

genre ↠ just fluff!!

wc ↠ 1533

summary ↠ chan is a terrible wingman.

warnings ↠ a biiit of swearing. like one word.

hi, i saw that your requests are open and i just found your blog but i love your writing so much already! i was wondering if i could have a scenario with changbin? where you are bff w/ chan and are 4 years older than changbin and also a few inches taller than him but have a crush on him. you don't do anything about your crush but chan knows about it and wants you two to get together. you can decide how you want it to end! thank you!

a/n ↠ thank you so much!!! + im sorry i know you said scenario but this is gonna be a bulleted scenario bc paragraphs take long for me and i dont want you waiting forever for this rip

hope you like it anyways tho!!!!

okay so!!

you’re a songwriter at jyp and you’ve worked with a lot of different groups in there, getting to know the trainees and debuted groups

when you’re not working with debuted groups, you’re helping out some of the trainees

some of them have told you how much they look up to you since you’re young but you’ve gotten so far in life, writing lyrics and melodies for one of the top 3

and they’re always asking you for tips and ideas and if you can read over some of the lyrics theyve written

and theyre always asking for your opinion on whether the melody goes with the lyrics theyve written

and you love how inspired and determind they are bc it’s hard being a trainee, going to school AND writing lyrics/ composing on the side

mad respect to all those out there

you’ve worked with a lot of trainees, but when jyp himself asked you to work w a kiddo named chan you were really excited!!!

ok hes not really a kiddo, he was a year younger than yourself but!! who cares!!!

you two hit it off really quickly, being vvv good friends in a short amount of time

some other trainees had suggested you listen to some soundcloud group 3racha and you really liked them!!!

and now!! you’re working with one of them!!!

jyp knew that chan was rly good at song writing and composing, and it was getting closer to the survival show time, so he asked you to help chan out

guiding him on how to write a Hit Song

so you worked closely with him before the show had started airing, running through the tips you had learnt through your years of writing

and you ran through different concepts and ideas he wanted to express through his music and songs

after a month of constant-coffee-meet-ups and late night freestyles you two had gotten vv close

practically inseparable, even tho you both were v busy, you w composing and him with his group

there rly was never a dull moment between you two and you rly liked having a proper friend that you could trust and vent to if need be

the day he introduced you to his group was wild!!!

he invited you out to a restaurant after the hellevator mv dropped

when you got there, he was standing at the entrance and he was like “:00 you came!!! took you long enough!!”

“i wasnt gonna miss out on free food now was i??”

he took you inside, saying he’d already gotten the table

and when you got there youre like

“,,,, why are there a bunch of boys at our table ://”

“theyre my group members!!!!”

:000!!!

they were quiet at first but when chan introduced you they all burst into cheers

it was just chaos like “hi!!!!!!!” / “hellooooooo!!!” / “omg!!!!!” / “thank you for helping w the mv!!!!” / “wow we finally get to see yn!!!!!!”

and youre just like ,,,,, what do i even reply to,,

so you say hi etc, introduce yourself and then take a seat next to chan

even tho you had known chan for a long time, you rly had only worked w him

like, he would always come to your office to work on stuff or you’d meet in public places, but it was only ever the two of you

so you were happy you finally got to meet the others!!

it was rly fun meeting all of them, they were so lively!!!

they were asking all sorts of questions abt you, your job, interests etc and they were rly thankful that you helped chan bc he imparted his knowledge + help onto them

and chan was like “yeah thanks for all your help!! this is all stressful so it was vv helpful that you guided me on how to do this stuff!!”

but as soon as the food came? they were silent

like seriously, there was barely any chatter

only small grumbles from jisung when seungmin stole his food

you had spoken to changbin a lot throughout the night

he was sitting next to you and you were internally Combusting bc

oh man you were sitting in between 2/3 of 3racha and you had to admit

changbin was probs your fave outta the 3 of them

man,, you really loved his tone of voice and how he could change it so easily within a song, and it would still flow so!! well!!!

you loved listening to him rapping sm and chan most definitely knew abt that

whenever he brought over lines/ ideas that he and the guys had written, you’d be like Wow i really love this part, it flows rly well w the melody

chan: “ah really? guess who wrote that!”

“,?? you?”

“changbin ;))))”

“whats with that face :/”

“ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) what ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  face”

“t h a t  f a c e”

“youre the one that goes all Heart Eyes when i mention changbin n yet im making a weird face??? k then”

“PPPPFT shut up lets work idk what youre talking abt”

and he dropped the subject but that stupid smirk never left his face :(((

when you finished your food, chan who obvs had already inhaled his food just started nudging you like

“( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) nows ur chance”

“i can finally kill u?? :D”

“:( no wtf why would u wanna do that?”

“wait i have a list-”

“BRO </3 i meant nows ur chance to woo changbin ;^))))”

“to do what now”

“to KiSs KiSs FaLl In LoVe with bInNiE!!”

“omg youre embarassing how are You the leader??”

and he just kept that up the Whole Night

honestly youre surprised none of the other guys realised what he was doing bc he just kept smirking and nudging you whenever changbin so much as sipped his water and you would straight up Elbow Him

but then he was like “hey changbin :)”

and internally you were just like Oh Great here comes the Fuckening

and the dude literally Exposed you there

and you were just like ?? i just mET youre group and youre already telling them my life story???

Chan basically told changbin abt how much you rly liked his lyrics and you were just like

:))) I :)) Hate :))))) You :)))) ByungChan

and like there was no way for you to even defend yourself bc chan was making you out to be some crazy fan like “oh man yn wouldnt sTOP talking abt this one line you wrote in IF and it was like 4am like bro i already dont sleep and they kept me up”

minho the Jerk was like !!! theyre blushing aww!!!

Cue you going even more red like Bang Chan youre a dead man :)

And changbin was just rly ? bashful ? he was surprisingly mature abt this and he just kept his reply rly simple like “ah really? thanks, that means a lot, esp coming from such an amazing writer like yourself!”

and you felt like Dying bc

were you that weird in his eyes that he couldnt even joke abt this now?? like did he just find you Super Creepy he just went all Awkward + Formal on you???

nAH HE WAS INTERNALLY SCREAMING BUt unfortunately you didnt know that bc he was holding it in so. well.

the major TBH is that chan was so trying to set you up

like,,, look at the seating arrangement man, he HAD to put you two together bc

you wouldnt stop talking abt how much you loved changbin’s skills

and omg changbin was even worse

as soon as he found out chan was working with you he was Begging to join too!!

he was like!!!! i need help!! so much help pLS LET ME WORK WITH THEM P L S

and chan just to tease the both of you prolonged this out for so. long. bc Hes the Devil

honestly he was so close to bursting into laughter when changbin gave you such a formal reply bc hE KNEW he was going crazy inside like

he always talked abt how cool you were with all the songs you wrote, he loved how you were so emotive and creative with your words, you really inspired him

and his bEST FRIEND was woRKING WITH YOU and NOT giving him your phONE NUMBER chan is the ult snake

chan basically confirmed everything when he asked you who your fave in 3racha was and you said that chan was

bc like lmfao s u r e it was

and then when chan told changbin your fave was jisung he looked the tiniest bit Sad which basically just confirmed everything in chan’s mind

and he felT BAD THAT he straight up lied to changbin bUT

he did that like the day before he was gonna introduce you two

so he had already planned to expose you and see changbin blush like Crazy

Unfortunately only you were blushing but,,, he Knew

and when he saw you and changbin trailing behind the group after dessert, phones out to exchange details, he Knew ;^))) 

i rly didnt know where i was going with this and then i just button smashed this lmfao also sorry i didnt mention the height thing?? i didnt know if you wanted that to be an important plot point but i like the openness of this lmao sorry i’ll make up for it one day hopefully. i hope u like it anyway ++ im so so sry its so late!!!

[spacecanary]

Three Times I Almost Said ‘I love you’, and The One Time I Did.  (Spoiler Story)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

------------------------------Stopreadingnowtoavoidspoilers---------------------------------

Warnings: Infinity War Spoilers, major sadness, Cuteness and awkwardness at first, INTENSE SADNESS AT END, oh and like one curse word

Notes: I wanted to try the “Three times I... And the one time I did” thing. You know? Anyways, It’s good to be back. I logged off to avoid spoilers for Infinity War. I wrote this because I was very inspired and very sad about it. So. Here you go. It’s been a while, so I’m sorry if there are any mistakes. Also, I’m writing this at eleven at night....lmao <3

       The slight tint of yellow and pink painted the horizon before us, the start of the sunrise. See, that was our thing. We’d go to the roof of the apartments every Sunday morning at six, bringing our blankets and some coffee if it ever got cold. That particular morning was chilly with an even colder wind. We got all bundled up in beanies and sweatshirts. He looked so cute. Peter’s legs dangled over the edge of the rooftop. His hair mostly hidden beneath the gray knit beanie he wore, matching the one I wore. We sat underneath the T-shirt quilt May had made for Peter one Christmas, watching the sunrise.

I glanced over at him, studying his face. How the city lights cast their light upon his skin, how one of his sweatshirt drawstrings was longer than the other. Or how his brown hair blew across his forehead in the wind, and his eyes glistened with the reflections of the city lights before us. A smile crept its way on to my face, drawing the attention of the sleepy teenage boy. He gave me a sluggish smile before crossing his eyes, earning a small laugh.                                            I wanted to do it so bad. Right there and then. Because its what I felt, and I’d  never felt something so strongly before.      

 “I love you.”   

 “What is it? Do I have something on my face?” Peter interrupts my thoughts with a laugh. I must have been staring at him for longer than I thought. I shrug it off and press a kiss to his cheek.

“You’re such a dork Peter Parker.”

“Okay, ready or not, here I come!” 

Peter’s voice echoes through the hallways of the base. Every Christmas, everyone at the base plays a hardcore game of hide and seek.

“Powers are allowed, but no cheating and using the cameras,” was our one rule, put in place by Tony, who no longer plays. He just bets on who wins. That Christmas, it was only Peter, Nat, Wanda, Vision, Sam, Clint, and Ned, who we invited last minute as his Christmas present. One by one, each competitor fell victim to the Spider, until it was just Clint and I. Our spot was absolutely perfect. Clint had showed me a way into the industrial ducts that ran through the building, and we found our way just above the kitchen area. 

We waited. And waited. At least an hour went by before Peter even walked through the kitchen. Clint had nudges me and points to the vent panel, gesturing to the figure in sweats. If not for my hiding buddy, I never would have known Peter was anywhere near. I reposition myself to get a better look, when Clint starts backing away, slowly. Confused, I look back through the vent, noticing that Peter got a stool to climb up on.

That’s when the creaking started. 

And also when the metal started to cave in beneath me. 

Crash

A whole section of air vents fell through the ceiling, with me in them. Right on top of Peter, too. I manage to crawl out, but not quickly enough. I feel a tight web bind my hands together, leaving me on the ground like a fish. Peter walks over with a smug look on his face before crouching next to me. 

“Got you,” he laugh, enjoying my pain. 

“Peter Parker, once I get out of this I swear-” He silences my threat with a kiss. A quick, but meaningful kiss. His hand, gently holding my face after parting. My gaze fell in his eyes, his endlessly captivating eyes. His hair falling in his face, brushing against my skin. Those three words found themselves on the tip of my tongue, begging to be released. 

“I love you, you big dumb idiot.”

“You swear, what?” He asks with a classic smirk.

“Get a room, you two!” Shouts the archer from above, earning a laugh from the both of us. 

“So, Peter’s with Stark. Who’s (Y/n) with?” Sam inquired.

A few weeks prior, we were all playing games together, now we’re splitting apart. Peter grabbed my hand, subconsciously rubbing circles into my skin as I make my decision. I sigh.

“Steve. I’m with Steve.” Peter looked at me sadly, knowing very well what it meant. It meant I’m no longer one of the “good guys”, that we may never be together again. I turned away from his pained gaze, staring at the floor for the rest of the debate. 

All of a sudden, Peter stands up, taking my hand in his once more. We walk around the corner as the rest of the group leaves. He takes me in his arms, wrapping them around my torso. His head dropping to my shoulder, breathing unevenly. 

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers into my shirt. 

“You will never lose me, Peter.”

He backs away slightly, still keeping me close. 

“You promise?” He mumbles, wet streaks adorn his flustered face. 

“I promise.” I caress his face with my thumb, wiping away the tears. He leans in, pressing his lips to mine. 

That’s when it hits me. And boy, it hits me like a truck. The tears run down my cheeks now. The fear of actually losing Peter sets in. I bury my face in his chest, tears streaming uncontrollably. Why? Because of those three fucking words that terrorize my life. I look back up at his face, the one I love so dearly. I want to say them. I need to say them.

”I love you.”

I want them to come out, but I choke up.

    After following Peter’s tracker, I finally caught up to them on Titan. After a whole year of searching. I conjured a portal there with the help of Wong. About  fifty yards away, I see them. Tony, Strange, Peter.

Peter hobbles over to Tony sluggishly, saying something I can’t make out. It’s Tony’s expression that worries me. 

I run. I run and run and run. I Reach him just in time to catch him when he falls, some kind of dust falling off of him. 

“(Y/n)? Where d-did you-”

“Shhhhh, Peter, everything’s okay now. I’m here. I’m here.” I rock him back and forth. The dust gets thicker as it falls to the ground. 

“No...no-no-n-no, (Y/n), I don’t wanna go. Don’t let me go, please.” He sobs, grabbing onto my torso, hugging me close. Only then do I understand. The dust, is him. Peter is falling to dust. The tears in my eyes spill as I try to hold him close, so maybe he’ll be safe. I look at Tony, desperate, but even the genius doesn’t know what’s happening. I look into Peter’s eyes, one last time.

Now. I have to do it now. 

“Peter, I Lo-”

He relaxes slightly, and then he’s gone. Gone. The dust covering my lap before I can even get it out. I stare at it, my chest burning with every breath. 

“Peter, I love you.” I whisper, the breeze taking my voice away.

[itskimtaehyung]

life updates

I feel like i’ve been kind of MIA lately in terms of updating tumblr and all that. Like usually nowadays I just fill up my queue and then log off and I dont really make that many personal posts or original content all that much lately.

Firstly, I want to update you all on all the new stuff I’ve been working on. I started a new painting series which is basically a Yeontan BT21 crossover. I have some ideas for continuing that circle painting series with OT7. I have Yoongi finished and I chose a color scheme for Hoseok. I did a painting for Hoseok’s birthday and I tried a new style that I’ve never done before and I’m really happy with how it turned out I can’t wait for you guys to see it!

In terms of writing, I’m currently working on a YoongixReader fic but it’s going slowly mainly because it’s kind of based on my life and I want to tell the story properly. I have a few scenes writing for some other fics but I don’t have concrete ideas or plots for them yet and I don’t know if I ever will. I plan on finishing the Always series but I’m not happy with the original plan I had for the series so I still have to rewrite my original ending. As for Jeon Jungkook is dead, I wrote part 1 very spur of the moment and honestly I dont remember what I wanted for part 2. I dont know if I’ll ever finish it tbh.

Now that those are out of the way, time for personal updates. As some of you may know, I started uni back in september. Before that I was going to community college to complete my general education requirements and now I’m taking courses that are very focused on my major aka the hard stuff. Also, we’re finally getting into the rocket science courses and they’re really cool!!! My workload is a lot heavier lately and I barely have time for sleep let alone writing and drawing. I’m taking 5 classes this quarter which may or may not have been a mistake but like homegirl wants to graduate on time.

For those of you who were following me during the whole “thirst boi” thing, no, i never hooked up with him, however, he is now one of my very good friends and has introduced me to another guy who’s also become a close friend. Like one time i slept over at their place and we baked cookies and watched cartoons. 

I also mentioned a “cute boy” in one of my classes a while back. I think most of my posts were about wanting to talk to him but not knowing how. Well, I finally talked to him after midterms last quarter, we we also became very good friends. At one point I thought he really liked me. We would do homework together and he would offer to drive me home if we stayed late at the library. I was spending nearly all day everyday with him (and I still do). But sadly, I found out after the quarter ended that he has a girlfriend. tbh I still really like him and sometimes it’s hard spending so much time with him but not being able to be with him ya know? I honestly think the universe is working against me because he is literally like everything I look for in a guy. And he smells like something from my childhood???? Also one time he came over to my apartment when we had a break in between classes and he talked to my housemates and they all really got along with him and also really liked him, *sigh* You’ll see a lot of him in Yoongi in that fic i was talking about earlier.

i dont think I ever told you guys about my housemates. I’m living with one of my best friends from middle school and a few other people. Theyre all super nice and I’m so grateful to live with such amazing people. We all get along so well and have “house outings” on a regular basis. A couple of weeks ago we all went together to get 순두부 for one of their birthdays, and today three of us got pizza together after class and then four of us went together to get boba. And whenever we’re stressed or just need to wind down, we sit on the floor of the living room together (we dont have a couch or like furniture really) and talk and eat snacks and complain about our days etc. and two fo them like kpop/khh too! and we listen to it together from time to time. and we have ramen nights where some of us will cook ramen and just eat it together on the floor. we also tease each other a lot which is fun to some extent but can also be kind of annoying. one of the guys is a couple years ahead of me in school but we’re the same major so sometimes he helps me with homework. I’m also on a design project with him which is also pretty fun. I learned how to use a laser cutter for the project so that was really cool.

It’s midnight and i have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow for class but I still havent showered but im still really full from the pizza and only drank a quarter of my milk tea (its strawberry) (i luv strawberry). Anyway, that’s what’s been going on in my life for the last 5 wish months or so? to my old followers, thanks for sticking with me this long. And to my new followers, welcome, thanks for hitting that follow button. I am grateful to every single one of you for supporting me and encouraging me and giving me a safe place to complain or vent or whatever else i need to. also my housemate caught me writing this and he asked to be included in it lmao. his words were “are you writing about me? are you including any of my jokes in your post? am i not funny enough to be included in your tumblr posts?” and then he told me to tell yall that he caught me writing this and he wanted to be included. I dont think he’d ever be able to find my blog because I dont have it searchable by email nor do i use my real name but oh boy if he’s reading this, thats really creepy of you, tyler.

[spicy-yikes]

Blue… Is The Warmest… Color..?Oh! You mean Spaghetti & Porn! Yes I remember…there was spaghetti…and a whole mess of frick frack. We French DESPISE fake prudes and hypocrites so we put a LOT of sex in our movies, French cinema is also about real life so we show how people eat in real life so do us a favor and DON'T watch our movies. We won't change French cinema to please folks like you so stick to boring predictable lame crap like Imagine Me and You or I Can't Think Straight lmao

I never criticized French films as a whole and I never asked for trends in French media to change to accommodate my tastes. It’s also presumptuous of you to assume that I am a fake prude or a hypocrite and for you to imply that I can’t appreciate French films. I jokingly criticized a singular movie and you have taken that and interpreted it as an act of prejudice.

I can dislike a movie that happens to be a French film without hating, misunderstanding, or being undeserving of French films as a whole. I never, at any point in time, said that I didn’t like Blue Is The Warmest Color because it was French and I want to make that abundantly clear.

If you really want to know my thoughts on media and sex; I have difficulty enjoying sex scenes in films because I am used to seeing them shoehorned into works simply for the sake of being gratuitous. It’s no longer a justifiable reason I can accept as an audience member because I’ve seen it a thousand times and I find it unoriginal and cheap. There are a lot of film trends and tropes that I find unoriginal and cheap if I’m honest and the vast of majority of them don’t include sex. I can give credit to Blue is the Warmest Color in that some of the sex scenes in the film do have a purpose outside of simply being sex on a screen but at the end of the day I personally feel that it was outweighed by inane voyeurism. That’s just my taste as an individual due to my experience of media as being saturated with empty sexuality more meant to entice than to tell a story.

That, however, does not mean I’m a prude or a fake prude or hypocritical in my sexuality. I think everyone should embrace a healthy sexuality. That we should talk more about sex. I wish that Americans would take the stick out of their collective asses when it comes to the subject. My difficulty in appreciating sex scenes in movies doesn’t stem from some closeted hate for sex or normalizing sex, it actually comes from the fact that until films stop using sex just as a meaningless vehicle to excite and fill in run time I’m going to be more critical of its usage. To clarify, I would never ban sex scenes from a film or tell someone that a movie is bad because it has sex in it, but I will stand by my opinion that films should tell a story and if a film is adding in something that doesn’t serve the film in a meaningful way then it has a fundamental issue in supporting its narrative. This opinion applies to a large spectrum of concepts, tropes, and tactics used in movies and is not isolated to sex.

I also want to clarify that I don’t hate realistically portrayed characters or films that approach their story with a more slice of life perspective. The gross spaghetti eating aspect is really my only major criticism of character writing through action because I feel that it was used so excessively that it became comical in a way that I don’t think was intended which is why I approached my original post with hyperbolic humor. I know her character is not just gross spaghetti eating. In fact she is a fully fledged character that goes on a very meaningful, bittersweet journey. However, I don’t like her which is why in the tags of that original post I go on to joke about her bad table manners and poor life choices. I dislike her greatly but I don’t have to like her character in order to realize that she is a character who’s adequately presented and molded as a character. It’s very similar to people. I don’t have to like everyone to realize that we’re all human beings.

I would like to add that I’ve never seen the other two movies you mentioned so I don’t have an opinion on them. Again, you’re assuming things about me that there’s no evidence for but I think it comes from a place where maybe you needed to vent some larger feelings. I know you feel that I attacked French cinema but I didn’t. I wasn’t and I’m still not disrespecting French cinema by disliking Blue is the Warmest Color. It’s a singular film. It’s not the representative film for all of France and though certain themes in this singular movie may be generally present in French cinema, they’re not all executed in the same fashion so my opinion of Blue is the Warmest Color is not representative of my opinion of all French films.

I hope that venting your feelings through anon made you at least feel better about whatever made you interpret my post as an attack on French cinema. I also sincerely hope that I’ve explained my stance a little clearer so that you don’t confuse my dislike of a movie as a hatred for entire culture’s history and contributions to the art of film. 

As a final point to make; I’m not mad or offended at what you sent me. I’m actually concerned. You have a lot of anger in one anonymous message toward something that didn’t warrant it. I don’t know what that means for you or what may have happened to you but I hope you’re okay.  I’m not an enemy of you or your people or your culture or your cinema.